Not too much has happened since last I posted. I worked, I came home, I slept, I played video games. I did also get my car inspected, though that’s not really earth shattering news. On a positive note, the people at the tag office were very pleasant even though it was busy, at least for a small town, and even gave me the added perk of making sure that I did not have to come back again until January of next year. Yes, my inspection was overdue; it was actually supposed to have been done in November, but because I was working third shift and simply the nature of the holiday season, I didn’t have either time or energy to haul my car across town and back during the normal office hours. Fortunately, as long as I have this particular vehicle, that will no longer be a problem.
I grew up in a large city, and visits to the DMV were always something to be dreaded and abhorred. You would be forced to sit in line for hours waiting, only to be met with a disillusioned and generally unpleasant person to process your paperwork in the slowest way possible. Yes, the DMV offices have truly earned their reputation as a generally unpleasant place. It seems that of late, however, they have made a concerted effort to step up their customer service and hopefully put a stop to the endless jokes about the necessity of dealing with their offices. That has never really been a problem here, as I live in a small town and most of the residents have at least seen each other a few times if not know each other by name, and it has always been an overall pleasant experience, minus the fun I had last year visiting the ADA’s office to drop a ticket for my expired tag.
The good news is, I did have enough money left over this weekend to drive down to see my fiancee. He has been under a lot of pressure lately and I’d like to think that me coming down to visit is a help to aleviate some of those overwhelming feelings. I arrived last night around 5:30 or so and since then I have gained a completely different perspective on exactly what he is being forced to experience, and I can’t blame him in the least for being defensive and a little negative since he arrived. Frankly, I do love my parents with all my heart and I would do anything for them, but there would only be so much I could tollerate in the realm of self-defeating attitude and intentional provocation. Fortunately, those are not things that I ever have to worry about.
His mother had surgery a little less than two years ago on her knee, and since she is in her mid-70’s, she has had a very difficult time recovering. There is also something going on with her foot, but I do not have the whole story on that. So she has had some long-term mobility problems, and is starting to show some of the earlier signs of Alzheimer’s. The part of which I was unaware is this: she is either conveniently forgetting or flat-out refusing to take her medications, stating that she is going to die eventually anyway, so she doesn’t really see the point. His father, who also has some trouble getting around, swings back and forth between martyr and asshole. He will point out every little household chore he is forced to do, since his wife is physically incapable of helping, and constantly complains about having to manage their finances, which she had always done in the past but recently handed off to her husband. When he is not playing the “woe-is-me” card, he is constantly judging the choices and lifestyles of those around him. I understand from a psychological standpoint that he feels cornered and afraid and these are simply defense mechanisms, but try explaining that to their son, someone who has always looked up to them with the utmost respect. To be blunt, it is tearing him apart inside. To make matters worse, it seems his brother has completely washed his hands of the situation. He does have a family and a life to live, but these are his parents, as well, and I would not have thought that he could be so callus watching them go through this ordeal. He and his wife used to come over and lend a hand now and then, which I respect, but I guess they are under the impressing that now that his brother has moved back home, it’s his turn.
Usually I am not this judgmental, and it makes me a little sad to re-read the previous paragraph, but to see what it has done to one of the most amazing and wonderful people I have known in my entire life. My fiancee tries so hard to hide how much he is hurting, but after the whole situation came to a head last night, he finally broke down. He had gone down to the kitchen to grab a snack and I followed shortly after. His parents’ bedroom is downstairs, and he was talking rather loudly, and I asked him about it. It was not meant to be a scathing remark, but unfortunately he took it as a personal criticism and completely flew off the handle. I tried to appologize, and explain that I simply didn’t want to wake his parents at 2:30 in the morning, but he was having none of that, so I went upstairs to remove myself from the situation. After a while, he had finally calmed down enough to come back upstairs, so we stood and smoked a cigarette and he explained to me just how difficult this whole situation was for him. I had not realized that the situation was that bad and felt even worse, but we managed to talk it all through and I think in the end we were both better for it. He was able to talk about his concerns, and I received a better perspective on the exact situation.
We are just fine now, though, there was simply a lack of communication and an overabundance of fear. Now is the time for us to band together and support each other, probably with me doing more of the supporting than him this time since he is clearly in need of it. I just hope I can be the person he needs me and stay strong to help him through these trying times.
Unique Like Everyone 